Tips for the Holidays

This came to me in an email and is filled with such wonderful advice, I thought I should share it with you just in case you haven't seen it before.

Holiday Eating Tips:

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the
Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time
of year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one
for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not
stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat
the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's
skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole
point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that
in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll
need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat
of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies
in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many
as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.
If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like
mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to
have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, you do have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or when you get up from
the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read these Holiday tips; start over, but
hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in
one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
ride!"